Today was quiet until I realized I had left my phone in the car and it was probably no longer charged. I am feeling better but still weak. I was on the couch most of the day.
We are working with a behavioral therapist with our aspie and we have just begun a new plan to try to teach him to control his impulses to call us. He has a limit of 4 calls a day to each of us and he also has a time limit on when he can call. It actually is working fairly well, as long the therapist stays with him for a long while, it may stick for him.
I was surprised when I checked my phone for missed calls. He had not called at all and it was near 1:00 pm. It was only a half hour or so until the first call did come and he told me that he was at my mom's and was going to work with my brother and stay the night with them. That was good news.
A couple of hours later, I received a call from Mom who told me that he had decided not to stay the night but he had worked with my brother. I wasn't surprised by this because I figured he had gotten paid and wanted to go shopping. He made his 2nd call when he arrived at his apartment.
I was feeling isolated and antsy so around 5:15 pm I called hubby and let him know that I was bored silly and wanted to go out when he got home. I also asked him to call our son to discuss tomorrow's activities because I had promised him I would. It always helps him to know what to expect. But a wrench flew into the works a little while later.
I received a call from hubby around 6:45pm saying he had 2 flat tires, had pulled into the tire store lot, and they were closed. I had to go pick him up and we left the car in the store lot.
We went to dinner, did a short grocery store stop, and then returned home. It was already 9:00 pm and our son did not know what had happened and that it will greatly change tomorrow's plans. At 10 pm I reminded hubby to call him. He will most likely have a difficult time dealing with the change and it greatly depends on how we break the news to him and how we respond to his reaction. Hubby is avoiding the call.
Avoidance is one of the worst ways to deal with an Aspie. They need to know what to expect and it is very frustrating for them when things happen differently. There are very few grey areas in his thinking, regardless of many past experiences to prove that things do not always happen the way we expect them to. He will need lots of assurances that he will still be able to do some of the things he had hoped.
It does not help to tell him that our plans were also changed. He does not see well beyond himself, initially. Many times he is able to understand our situation but it is after he has calmed down completely, which can be days later, nearly never at the moment that the change has ocurred, or, as in this case, when he learns about it.
It takes patience, diligence, and planning to help him through these experiences and sometimes, it isn't enough. There can be surprises that none of us could possibly expect.
So, here I am, still not feeling 100%, with an aspie son who needs to know that tomorrow's plan has changed and a reluctant hubby who has not called to update him and discuss new plans. It's 10:20 pm. I just want to go to bed!
- ▼ 2014 (8)
- Hi, I am Teri West, a wife, retired home schooling mom, 2nd year breast cancer survivor, crafter,
musician, and primitive artist living and working in Kentuckiana, (the
Louisville, KY and S. Indiana area). My family heritage is in the hills
of Eastern Kentucky and Southern Ohio. I grew up in Louisville, Ky and
attended Eastern KY University and the Southern Baptist Theological
Seminary, graduating with degrees from both in education.
I married in 1979 and have three grown children, one a degreed artist,
one a techie/artist, and an autistic one, a photographic artist. Hubby
is a techie.
I work out of my home creating primitive items for friends, family,
and you. My loves are American folk music, primitive crafting, and
American folk art which all emanate from my devotion to my faith, family
and friends. I belong to the Louisville Dulcimer Society and I play mountain
dulcimer, guitar, violin, native flute, tin whistle,
bowed psaltry, and ukelele as well.